i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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