my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize