I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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