in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
