I accidentally burped into my bong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize