Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
