A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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