I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
