I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
