there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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