Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
