he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
