Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
