just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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