Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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