I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
