I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
