My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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