I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
