I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everything about him screamed your future.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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