He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
