dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
