And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
