I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
