my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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