I'm so fucking centered right now
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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