Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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