I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
