final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
