she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
