I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
