His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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