I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
