i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
