Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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