That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
