cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
