I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
