She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
