The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
