At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
