i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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