Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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