The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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