Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
