I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
