I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
