You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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