I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize