Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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