addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
