I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
