The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
