If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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