my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
