I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
