her vagine was all disorganized.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
