I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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