but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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