i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
