yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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