Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
