I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
