and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
