dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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