I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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