Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
