Umm I'm too high to move.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
