Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
