she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
