I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize