how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
